better with bronze

most of us take stock of our peers and are happy if we’re doing as well or better, and feel unhappy if the converse is true. watching olympic award ceremonies always makes me think of these kinds of comparisons and how they can make a silver-medalist’s moment on the podium miserable. although the silver-medalist has achieved the second-highest honor possible at the most competitive championship in the world, the sm usually compares him/herself negatively to the gold-medalist. silver is nothing to that gilded disk. however, look at the case of the bronze medalist who is usually just thankful to be on the podium at all. the bronze-winner typically is very happy because s/he compares down to those who didn’t place – how lucky am i to even be here, s/he thinks. so, in summary, the silver medalist is objectivly better off, but feels much worse.

this phenomenon varies in its applicability, it seems, in accordance with expectations and experience. in the winter olymics michelle kwan (figure skating), who had won silver previously and hoped for gold this time, was instead too busy falling on her ass to win the gold, or even silver, so had to settle for a measly bronze. she was devastated.

to what extent is this controllable? can we will ourselves to compare down?

and furthermore, why does it make us so unhappy that someone else is better than us?